"Why tell this story now? From an objective point of view, David Brainerd was an utter failure: he never achieved stardom; he never made a fat wad of cash; he didn’t possess any special talents or skills; he wasn’t especially successful in his occupation, and the decisions he made in his life ultimately led to his death before he hit 30. If he were around today, there’s a good chance he would be in a medical hospital or a mental hospital, and yet, I find myself relating to him. "
Thinking about missions, maybe going to Guatemala or Algeria? Think you are not "qualified" or spiritual enough to go? Think again, cause the amazing thing about God, is that He uses us, the jacked up to accomplish His purposes of proclaiming His name to every tribe, tounge and nation... David Brainerd is an example of this,read this article then go to Amazon and buy his biography..It will be worth it.
Let me tell you about my Thursday this past week. It started off with a very good men's bible study at my church at 6am (only God's grace has me up that early), it followed with some good talks to people on staff at the church. I had a great talk with our youth pastor about getting our college group together with the youth and serving the community together. I also got to talk to our Worship Leader (Vitamin Z) and we talked about everything from the Lobo Basketball team (where I work) to the emerging church and theology. I then went to the University of NM student union building for a time of reading and coffee, I there met up with a friend and we had a good talk about soccer, ministry and life. My day seemed to be working out just great as I pulled up to the UNM basketball practice complex where my office is located. I started my day off the usual checking emails, working on some video stuff as well as going to some blogs and seeing what people were writing about. One of our assistant coaches came in as I was doing these things and said we needed to do a scouting report film for our upcoming game at Utah (where I currently am), the next thing he said changed everything about the day and my life in some ways.
Coach D told me at 1:45 that day there was going to be a press conference to announce that Coach McKay, my boss and friend was going to be fired at the end of the season. At that moment if felt like a punch had just been landed to my gut, the air was taken away, the room got super small and it was just this surreal feeling. The men that God had used to bring me to Christ were not going to be here next year. The rest of the day was filled with press conferences, meetings and just trying to figure out what the heck was going on. While this outcome was not totally shocking, we were not performing as well as people expected. There was drama this year off the court, and people really never did accept Coach McKay. So the writing was on the wall, but when it actually happened it was still shocking, the timing of it was not expected either.
My mind was filled with thoughts of who will replace him, what will happen to the other coaches, and what will happen to me. While I am not a coach, it is possible still that the new coach will bring in his own person to do video for the team and that means adios for me. At that moment I felt naked, vulnerable and helpless before God, my future was unknown in so many ways now, in short my life was rocked. I sat there filled with anxiety and worry for the rest of the day. The time came finally to leave and return to my church to get ready for The Well, our young adult gathering, in which I am one of the leaders. My mind was such a tornado that I did not feel like doing much, but then our worship leader came and we talked about the night, and soon I was starting to focus more on other things.
Soon people started to arrive and again my mind became filled with worry and anxiety. With my mind racing I decided to step outside and pray and greet people as they came in. As I stood out there I looked up in the sky, there were some clouds and patches of sky and stars. Then the Spirit hit me, and hit me hard. I was convicted of my sin of worry and anxiety. God had me where He tells us He likes us, where we have nothing but Him and Him alone to rely on. A specific scripture was put on my heart:
17 Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls, 18 yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will take joy in the God of my salvation. 19 God, the Lord, is my strength; he makes my feet like the deer's; he makes me tread on my high places. (Habakkuk 3: 17-19)
This verse just kept pounding in my heart and mind. All I could think was yeah I know it says that, but it is not as easy to do. And it was right then that I realized that, that was the point. It cannot be done on my strength, on my own I cannot rejoice in God, I cannot find joy in God. I am a selfish sinful man that wants to control everything, and I am only concerned in finding joy in stuff, in things, in what revolves around me. As I stood there I realized it is a fight, but a fight that can be won, cause it is not a fight I fight alone, God is my strength, God is my fight for joy. As I stood outside pondering everything the thought of God sovereignty came to mind, that Jesus is the same today and yesterday and tomorrow. God revealed in my heart that it is His strength that brings joy because His strength and His name and His Glory never change. This job is not my hope, a paycheck is not where I find joy, but in God through the work of Christ on the cross is where I am brought by the Spirit to enjoy God and find my treasure. In those 45 minutes I stood outside God had crushed me, convicted me, and then encouraged me and strengthened me.
I would be lying if I said that now I am totally worry-free and I do not at times doubt. What has changed though is the knowledge that, yes it is a fight for this joy, and yes it is His strength that will be my victory in the fight. And the hope that now I see dimly, but then in heaven I will see my treasure face to face.. I will see God, our creator, our sustainer, our judge and redeemer!!
So yes life comes at us fast, whether it be a loss of a job, or it be a report from the doctor that we have cancer and 6 months left, but life never comes at God fast. God is sovereign over all and His hand is what guides bosses hearts, is what allows cancer to grow in us. It is His mercy, love and justice that sent His Son to the cross to atone for our sins and that never changes no matter what in life comes at us.. Amen!!!
